Neal Cassidy

OOC INFORMATION
Player Name: Katie
Pronoun Preferences: She/her
Contact: siriuslydementd
Are you over the age of 18?: Yes
Invitation Link: here
Current Characters: n/a
Link to Permissions: n/a

IC INFORMATION
Character Name: Neal Cassidy aka Baelfire
Species: Human
Canon: Once Upon a Time
Canon Point: 3x15, "Quiet Minds"
Character Age: Apparent age mid-30s, actual age 200+
CRAU: No
CRAU Explanation: n/a
Character Appearance: here
Powers and Abilities: none
What Did Your Character Wish For? his father to be alive again
What Potion Did They Receive? Scarlet
Did They Drink It? No

Character Questions:
1. Who is the person your character is most bonded with from their canon? Or who is someone they miss the most? His closest relationship is with his father. After his mother left when he was young, it was just him and his father for years. So much of what happened in those years was because of their connection. His father gained magic to keep Neal (then Baelfire) from being forced to join the army, and then Baelfire grew concerned about the effect that magic was having on his father. It was this concern that led Baelfire to find a way for them to go to a world without magic, although his father ended up breaking their deal and leaving him to fall through the portal to this land alone.

Still, even though his father changed, and chose magic over him, Neal loves him and is devastated when he dies. He's desperate to find a way to attempt to bring his father back, and will stop at nothing to do so.

Neal has been told that he is the light that keeps his father human.

The one he misses the most, however, is his son Henry. He only recently found out about Henry's existence, and has vowed to be a better father to Henry than his own father was to him. If he had known that Emma was pregnant when he betrayed her, he might have done things differently. He knows what it's like to be abandoned by a father, and wouldn't want that for his own child. What pains him most about the group returning to the Enchanted Forest is that Emma and Henry aren't there, he doesn't know if he'll ever see them again, and Henry doesn't even remember him. He has a lot of regrets in life, but the biggest one is that he wasn't able to be there for his son.

2. What are they most afraid of? He's most afraid of losing his family again. First his mother left, although he didn't know the truth of this until many years later, and then his father abandoned him too. Each parent chose someone or something over him, but at least he's had a chance to repair his relationship with his father. He won't get a chance to talk to his mother about what happened and why.

Later, he met Hook and his band of pirates, and lived with them on their ship for a time. Hook had a fatherly sort of role in his life, until Baelfire discovered the truth about what had happened to his mother, and that Hook had been using him for information on how to kill his father. Then Hook betrayed him too and handed him over to Peter Pan and the Lost Boys.

Then, as an adult, he wanted a future with Emma, and he ruined that too. Although he's responsible for the loss of a family in that case, he still lost something he had hoped for for so long.

Eventually he discovered that his fiancee had only been using him for her own purposes, to get close to magic, because she believed she was working for an organization that wanted to destroy it. She had recognized him as someone who knew something about magic, and figured that if she got close to him, that she would then come across other magic users (which, of course, she did). It doesn't help that when she admitted this to him, she also shot him and left him for dead.

Loss after loss, betrayals (some even caused by him), have been enough to leave him determined to do better, but just as he thought that maybe he could have the family he wanted, he lost it again, and he's determined to do whatever it takes to put it together again.

3. What is their weakness? Emotionally, mentally and physically? Sometimes he feels like he's not good enough. So many times in the past, he hasn't been good enough (because if he had been, then his parents wouldn't have abandoned him, right?). He even lets himself be talked in to poor decisions at least once because of it (when he abandoned Emma instead of working on some way that he could help her meet her destiny). Maybe he's just not meant to have those things. He hasn't been enough to make anyone happy, so what if Emma can't forgive him and give him another chance? It's no more than he deserves.

4. What would make them happiest? Finding a place that feels like home. Wherever it is, whoever the people there are, he hasn't had it for a long time, and it's really all he's ever wanted. It's like he told Emma, when you have it, you just know. He could have had it with Emma. They planned to look for it in Tallahassee. Then his past caught up with him, and he ruined his future. But that doesn't mean he stopped looking.

5. What’s their type for a lover? Someone a lot like Emma Swan. Someone who will see his flaws and not care, or discover that he has a history of doing things that are not exactly legal and stick around anyway. Honestly, just someone who makes it apparent that she loves him, considering his tendency to be left behind by others.

Samples: Link to 1 sample with at least 5 comments from you in a singular thread with one another character. Here.

“Broken.” A single word on the back of a postcard (delivered by a bird instead of the post office, what the hell, August), but yet it had meant so much to him. It was what he had been waiting for for years, and yet it had to come now, at this point in his life, when he’s no longer waiting for a time when he can try and somehow make it all up to Emma. She made it to where she was supposed to be, and obviously August is there too. He had wanted to know this, but he’s got a different life now, and he’s sure she must have moved on years ago, after what he did. August doesn’t know this, of course, or why this news doesn’t mean as much to him anymore, but he had still done as he had promised to do.

Neal doesn’t even know why he decided to come here. All that’s in this town for him is the woman whose heart he broke, and the father who broke his. The one probably doesn’t want to see him, and he’s spent years trying to hide from the other. The one advantage he has here is that he will know who his father is (if not where, specifically, in town), but his father likely won’t know who he is. All he has brought with him in his borrowed car is enough clothes to last him a week and the postcard. He checked the maps; there's no town called Storybrooke on any of them. He figures he might need the postcard to direct him to where he wants to go.

It's late when he finally makes it to his destination, so late that he doesn't expect to find anywhere open. Which he doesn't, except for the main office of the local hotel, where he finds a room and confirmation that outsiders are extremely rare.

In the morning, he prefers not to call attention to himself, at least not right away, so decides to go for a walk through the downtown area to see what he can figure out about this town. Maybe at least he can find some clues as to what his father's been up to, or Emma.

Emma,
I've thought of a lot of ways to start this letter, and in the end I decided just to be simple about it: I miss you. I don't mean you being in the same space as me. We still have that. I miss having you next to me. I miss us, and the way we were back when we dreamed of Tallahassee, back when it was us against everyone else.

I'm trapped here by the snow, and as glad as I am to have time with my father, the one I most want to be stuck in a house with is you. I want to be able to look back on my time on this island with you and say that we spent some cozy days alone together, shut in our house, just us, with no other distractions. Just us and what we have together. I just hope that wherever you are, whoever you're with, you're having a good time.

Things used to be so good between us, and I don't even know how it came to this. I was even thinking about marriage for awhile, and then talking fell by the wayside. We fell by the wayside, and that's on both of us. I want a future with you, Emma, and if that means trying out something you've always wanted to try, then let's talk about it. There's a connection here, there always has been, and I want to see where it takes us. But we'll both have to learn from our mistakes along the way.

It hurt, having that happen, Emma. You knew how I felt about the situation, you knew what we both had agreed to, and yet this happened anyway. I wanted something that showed how I felt about you, how much I wanted to be able to give you, something that was special only to us, and before I'd even finished paying for it, you were off with someone else. I know I said I'd never leave, but I needed to think of myself first and take a step back and evaluate what it is that I want.

What I want is a life with you in it. I know we can't have Tallahassee exactly how we planned to do it, but that doesn't mean we can't have it some other way. It can still be just us though, except when curses necessitate something else. I hope we can work something out that works for both of us.

I don't want this to be the end for us, Emma. I love you. I have since the moment you stole my car in Portland. I don't want to throw all of that away over one dispute.

You know what? I don't know why I'm bothering anymore. All I wanted was a chance, a single chance, and I stood there and I watched as you gave a chance to everyone else in town, including my father and Regina, sometime more than once, when they didn't even ask for it, and you couldn't even give one to the person who asked for one. Someone who asked for one and was determined not to waste it.

Even Killian gave me that chance. Not me. Henry's parents. He said Henry's parents should have a chance and he would stand aside so we could. I would have thought that that would have mattered to you, who never had a family. That the chance to have one, to be one, would mean something. Obviously it didn't, and I don't know why I even still care. If I'm going to get such little consideration from you of what I want, I don't know why I even still want it so much, because I deserve better than that.

Never good enough for anyone, that's what it seems like. Never anyone's first choice. From shortly before his fourteen birthday, when his father stopped listening to him talk about what he wanted, to the time when Henry cared only that this was his father and that was enough reason to get to know him, he has never been anyone's choice. Never been enough for anyone. The two times when he was, when someone wanted to choose him, he ruined it. Does that mean he should never get another chance at happiness?

For people who are all about second chances, even giving them to people who never asked for them or even seemed to appreciate that they had them, he never really got his. All he was asking for was lunch, and Emma couldn't even give him that much. No other commitment, no promise of anything in the future, just lunch. To see how it went.

Even when it was in question to him why his father was really in Neverland, to find Henry and bring him home, or to kill him to keep the prophecy from coming true, when his father started acting like he wanted that chance, Neal gave it to him. He gave his father the chance to prove that he could act against his nature of all those years and not act simply out of self-preservation. He was capable of having all this faith in someone else, but when's the last time someone had that much faith in him?

Henry.

If it weren't for Henry, he would have no chance at happiness, because as much as he gives to everyone, the only one who gives a fraction of it back to him is Henry. Hook might, one day, but Neal's story ends before he has the chance to get back much of what he gives to anyone.

Perhaps part of the reason he feels that no one chooses him is because he doesn't have much evidence (beyond Henry) that anyone ever has. If he hasn't been good enough for anyone in the past, why is he now? He isn't.

The life he's always wanted, with a family, it's too late to have it now, but he never got the chance when it wasn't too late. He didn't even have a history like that of some people in town, who got chance after chance given to them. He made one mistake, which he acknowledged was a mistake that he regretted every day, and couldn't even forgive himself for, and he never got the same chance everyone else did.

And now, seeing others get the chance that he never did, it's not easy. Knowing that there's someone else who's doing all the things he used to do, who's getting the words and looks he used to get, when he never really got the chance to earn that back again, is going to be hard to take.

But he'll stand aside and watch it happen, because he said he would, and he knows how things stand, and giving others what they want, making sure they're happy, it's what he does. He knows better than to expect his own happiness when it comes to anyone other than Henry. He gives them what they want, does whatever he can to make sure they have it, because that's what makes them happy. But there's no one thinking of his happiness the same way.

He got good things out of his time with Emma, other than just Henry, even if Emma doesn't see it that way. All the things that happened before the end were good things, to him. He was finally part of something, and it was good. It might have been good again, but now they'll never know, and he'll have no chance at that kind of good thing again. It was important, and it meant something.

He loved her back then, he really wanted all of those things that Tallahassee promised. If she can't look past how things ended and see that, that is not his fault. It is also not his fault if she can't see that he's not the same person he was then anymore. He's not even sure why it matters, sometimes; she's not the same Emma he remembers either. But they'll never get the chance to know if they could have worked it out anyway.

Their relationship will always be the story of the girl who deserved better than the man who let someone talk him into letting her down, because it never got the chance to become anything else. Not just because he died before they could figure out what they are now, but because Emma didn't give it a chance after Neverland.

The scene opens on a small, well-cared for city park, with trees and picnic tables benches and lots of grass. The sort of park that might be found in any small town. Henry and Neal are visible, too, both with a wooden sword in their hand. Neal appears to be demonstrating proper dueling stance.

Time skips ahead and Neal and Henry are moving around the park, dueling with the swords, enjoying themselves. They're joined by a red-haired, freckled boy of about seven, who joins in on the swordfighting.

After another time skip, when it's dark out, Henry's half asleep on a bench. Neal picks up the wooden swords in one hand and Henry over his shoulder in a fireman's hold and heads out of the park.

The whole transmission is cut down to under five minutes, but obviously covers several hours.t

November

19th: Neal's arrival network post
cantwalkwithoutit princessinthemaking alacritously morethanasidekick jolting assailed & littledhampir badgermole_pupil pinball_reset heavensfinale notyoursourwolf cantbecontained
22nd (La Shoshain): Kenzi morethanasidekick
Emma princessinthemaking*
Freya eilif
Chase and Paige bastardofipswich and halflighting
23rd: Neal log post with cantwalkwithoutit bastardofipswich eilif assailed littledhampir
24th: Log post with princessinthemaking
27th: Emma network post with princessinthemaking
Gold log post with cantwalkwithoutit
28th: Harvest festival with eilif
Harvest festival with princessinthemaking and cantwalkwithoutit

December

2nd: Emma log post with princessinthemaking*
5th: Gold log post with cantwalkwithoutit
6th: Hook network post (private) with assailed
7th: Chase network post with bastardofipswich
8th: Log post with ace_marksman princessinthemaking morethanasidekick cantwalkwithoutit
10th: Freya log post with eilif
11th: Chase log post with bastardofipswich
12th: Private video for Hook with assailed
13th: Mistletoe log post with princessinthemaking
14th: Gold network post and part 2 with cantwalkwithoutit
Anastasia network post with gameboards
15th: Clinic log post with cantwalkwithoutit and repairing
25th (backdated): Holiday post with Gold and with Gold and Emma

January

2nd: Ditl log post with eilif, bastardofipswich, haxan, princessinthemaking
6th: Rose's log post with assailed
Emma log post
7th: Network post discussing goddess favors, with doppelled, electrokinesis, ahead_of_herself, jolting, cantwalkwithoutit, pinball_reset
10th: Memory theater post with princessinthemaking, eilif, cantwalkwithoutit, bastardofipswich, gameboards
Freya's memory theater post
11th: Emma's memory theater post
Gold's memory theater
Hook's memory theater
Chase's memory theater
Dinner with Ava pinball_reset
13th: Network post with cantwalkwithoutit (and some of bastardofipswich)
14th: Private text to Hook
16th: Ana's memory theater post
17th: Gold network post after goddess favor
Kenzi memory theater
24th: Goddess favor conversation with Gold
31st: Chase network post as part of his payment (Feb. AC)
Freya's payment video (Feb AC)

February

4th: Emma network post
Neal network post
5th: Gold log post
6th: Emma log post (date)
7th: Chase log post
11th: Hook network post
14th: Curse log post with princessinthemaking gameboards bastardofipswich morethanasidekick electrokinesis cantwalkwithoutit
20th: Hook network post AGF drinking
21st (16th): Kenzi log post post-curse drinking
Emma log post after the curse
28th: Chase network post
Emma log post babysitting twins

March

1st: Freya network post
Gold log post talking about the restaurant
Network post about artist get-together
Gold log post about the restaurant
3rd: Gold log post visiting the restaurant
Neal log post drinking, discussing Chase, fight about moving
4th: Brooke Davis log birthday party
5th: Gold network post about the restaurant
7th: Belle's arrival network post
8th: Neal log post talking with Belle
9th-13th: Visiting site of Amvrosia with Gold and dinner with Gold and Belle
10th: Bucky's birthday party: Gold Belle Rose Kenzi Bucky Emma and open Hook
11th: Hot springs with Emma*
16th: Belle at the library
17th: Illuminaughty opening Belle Chase open
Kenzi Gold
20th: Emma log post-curse
23rd: Birthday dinner with family
24th: Birthday sailing with Hook
31st: Network post about relationships

April

1st: Emma log post for collar loosening
Catch-all post for April
5th: Chase's attack at the bowling alley
6th: Gold network post
7th: Post-attack discussion with Belle (private)
9th: Whale network post
Cora network post
11th: Emma network post
11th: Gold network post
15th: Cora network post
17th: Amvrosia opening with Gold and Ana
30th: Neal returns from the forest

May

1st: Hook log post about surprise party for Rose
7th: Gold network post about Amvrosia
8th: Emma log post after island split
10th: Private to Hook about the names
Curse-related log post
13th: Belle log post after drinking
17th: Lily log post
18th: Gold network post
Lily network post
Ana network post
19th: Emma network post about Neal's six-month anniversary
Neal network post about six-month anniversary
24th: Belle network post about wedding plans.
New roommate log post

June
4th: Emma log post (discussing issues)
5th: Network post
6th: Farmhouse warming party: Victor Tony and Emma Rose Kenzi
9th: Catchall log post
12th: Drinking with Shannon Mullins
15th: Rebekah log post
Emma catch-all
21st: Father's Day dinner with Gold
26th: Gold network post after heatstroke
28th: Aphro rain log
Emma's aphro rain log
Emma's network post about a gift
29th: Hot tub cinema post with Darcy and Kenzi
Hook network post about engagement
30th: AGF payment log
Kenzi aphro rain log

July
2nd: Network post about AGF payment
3rd: Eryn Caran opening
5th: Emma's AGF network post
7th: Emma dream log post
16th: Caleb returns
22nd: Network post about Emma
28th: Network post about artist get-together
Emma's return post
Post-arrival log post
29th: Artist get-together log

August
12th: Gold log post
15th: Bruce network post
Neal network post
18th: Emma log post
24th: Shannon log post
28th: Gold's payment explanation log

September
1st: Bucky network post
Summer Roberts network post
5th: Gold's housewarming log: Gold Neal Ty
8th: Tethered to Hayley log
20th: Payment network post
Payment log post
28th: Emma network post

October
3rd: Jefferson arrival/TDM
4th: Padme network post
9th: Jefferson arrival post
Emma flying monkey attack
Flying monkey attack
16th: New house
22nd: Emma's birthday
28th: Belle's return
31st: Masquerade

November
Hiatus
29th: Return from hiatus

December
10th: Angela network post
12th: Shannon network post
Emma mistletoe log post
31st: New Year's Eve

January
20th: Emma log post
30th: Angela/art gallery post

February
10th: Return from being dead
14th: Klaus network post
19th: Belated Valentine's Day

March
26th: Network post about sale

April
5th: Gold network post

AGF AC
February
March
April
June
July
August

Gifts:
Gold
Emma
For others

PLAYER
» Journal: kepthimhuman
» Birthdate/Age: April 1982/32
» Characters Played: N/A
» Re-App Status: N/A
CHARACTER FACTS
» Name: Neal Cassidy (aka Baelfire)
» Canon: Once Upon A Time
» Reference: Here
» Canon Point: Season 3 episode 15
» Gender: Male
» Age: Actual approximately 300/apparent age mid-to-late 30s
CHARACTER INTERPRETATION
» Appearance: He appears to be in his mid-to-late thirties. He's of average height for a human male and a healthy weight. He has dark brown hair with a strand of grey here and there, and brown eyes. He dresses for the occasion, but generally he wears comfortable, casual clothes: jeans, tees, hoodies.
» Suitability: N/A
» Orientation: Heterosexual. Canonically he has had two known relationships, both with women, and he has a child with one of them.
» Personality: The main aspects of Neal's personality stem from his abandonment issues. He's never really had a family, so it's the one thing he's wanted for his whole life. The fact that he himself was abandoned has given him some guilt over doing the same thing to Emma, and this guilt got worse once he realized he also abandoned the son he never knew about. This has motivated many of the things he has done in the time since then, attempting to assuage this guilt and to be there like he should have from the start. His sparse childhood, followed by a life of moving from place to place and his subsequent years of avoiding being found by his father have taught him how to hide and how to make do with what's available.

He's determined not to make the same mistakes his father did. He sees magic as the source of all the problems between him and his father, and dislikes what he sees as his father's excessive use of it. The aspects of the island that might be construed as magical, such as the collars that can't be removed, will make him uncomfortable at first, but once he realizes that there's really no magic to it, he'll get used to it. His dislike and distrust of magic has lessened some after his reunion with his father, and after he's used a little of it himself. He's still cautious, but he's not as opposed to it as he used to be. Using magic to get back to his son, and then later to bring his father back to life, have softened his opinion.

He's essentially a good man, he just sometimes has a problem with doing the right thing. When it comes right down to it, for a family member, he will do anything within his power. If there's someone he thinks he can trust, he will defend them no matter what, and once someone loses his trust, he has a hard time trusting them again. His arrival itself on the island won't phase him much; he's used to traveling between worlds, and to arriving in unknown worlds. It's the nature of the island, the fact that he is now essentially compelled to do something or there will be consequences, that will bother him. He doesn't like feeling he's being controlled, manipulated, or used. In the end, though, he will get used to that too.

Everything he does is for family. The biggest decisions he has made in his life have been influenced by his desire for family, even as a child. He searched out the bean that caused him to end up in the land without magic because that was the only way to restore his father to himself, which was the most important thing. He took being left by his father so hard because his father was the only family he had left. Despite the estrangement, his disappointment in who his father had become, and his desire to have nothing to do with the man who broke his promise and abandoned him, when that man was threatened he didn't hesitate to do what was necessary to allow him to stay alive. When he had finally found himself able to forgive his father for what had happened, he wasn't able to accept his father's death, which led him to ignore warnings and the sensible route he would normally have taken and stop at nothing to get his father back, even at the cost of his own life.

He has felt guilt over what he did to Emma ever since he did it. It's why he did what he could to make sure she was taken care of (by arranging for her to get the car and the money). He still hadn't forgiven himself for it the next time he saw her, and understands that it might be hard for her to forgive him. He never actually asks for her forgiveness, and he may not even think he deserves it. This guilt is the reason he didn't come to Storybrooke when he had the chance. While he still loves her, and wants the chance for them to be a family, he eventually realizes that they are a family no matter what. In the end, he wants Emma to live her life, even if it isn't a life with him in it.

Hook started out as something akin to family, a father figure when he didn't have one, although he wouldn't have put it in terms like that because he was unaware of the connection between them. When he discovered the role Hook had played in the dissolution of his family, it didn't matter that Hook wanted him to stay. Hook was the reason he had no family anymore. After the events in New York, Hook became a threat to the family he had left, and this was only made worse when Hook began pursuing Emma as well. Over time, he saw that Hook cared for his family as much as he did, and when the family was in trouble, he found himself relying on Hook to help save them. He doesn't see Hook as a threat to his family anymore. Instead he's the man who “looked after” him for awhile, and he wishes he could have the chance to mend their relationship.

Ultimately the decisions he makes are tied into his desire to be a better father to Henry than his own father was to him. While he goes to Storybrooke because his father's life is in danger, he stays there for a chance to get to know Henry. When he finds out that Emma, and especially Henry, are in Neverland, he puts aside his own personal feelings about the place to find a way back there, to help bring Henry home. Family is more important to him than his own safety. He has a certain amount of sadness to find that Henry doesn't remember him, but can take solace in the fact that at least Henry will know about his heroic actions.

When it comes to keeping anyone he considers family safe, he is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.

He keeps mostly to himself, stemming from his desire not to draw attention to himself. When he meets someone new, he's friendly and polite, but reveals only as much information as he has to. The fewer questions about his past, the better. His daily routine consists mostly of going between whatever job he has at the moment and his apartment. He doesn't have many close friends, just acquaintances from his job or the stores he frequents. Even though he has settled down now, he still lives with the anticipation that he'll need to pick up everything and move on to somewhere new.

» Re-App Changes: N/A
SAMPLES
At least one sample MUST demonstrate your character's feelings about or reactions to sex! If this is a re-app, samples should reflect changes covered in the Re-App section above and demonstrate their awareness if they retain memories. The Sample Prompts can be found at: http://amatmods.dreamwidth.org/23598.html
» First Person Sample Choice (First-person prompt two):
[The video screen turns on to reveal a new, but friendly, face.] Um. Hello. I've been to a few new places in my lifetime, but I can't say any of them have been like this. Apparently this isn't some sort of afterlife, so there's a little comfort in that, I guess. [This really isn't anybody else's business, Neal.] Anyway. I'm wondering. I know there are some sort of merchants around, and I'm sure I'll be visiting them all at some point. What I'm looking for right now, and hopefully someone can help me, is art supplies. Drawing supplies, specifically. Even just regular paper and pencil will do, if that's what's available. Thanks.

» Third Person Sample Choice (Third-person prompt three): He doesn't know how he didn't notice it, but the collar around his neck has been slowly tightening for days. Soon he won't be able to breathe. Part of him hadn't wanted to believe what he'd been told was true (a collar that chokes you to death if you don't have sex can't really exist, can it?), but that part had turned out to be wrong.

Now he has no choice. He has to find a way to loosen this collar. Which leaves him with only one option. He has to find a partner. The problem with this is that he has little experience in doing so. He doesn't know how to just go somewhere and pick someone up. He's never felt the desire to do so, and even now it's not how he would prefer it. He'd much rather get to know someone first.

Maybe there is a way. A way that doesn't take too much time, of course, because he doesn't have much of that, but a way to get to know a little about someone before just jumping right in. A way that has sort of worked for him in the past. With Emma, at least. Plus it might help him get used to the idea.

He puts on his nicest clothes and heads into the nearest bar. He looks around until a woman catches his interest, then puts on a friendly smile and approaches her. “Hi. Can I buy you a drink?”